Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in carbonautomoton's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, October 5th, 2008
8:13 pm	Random Cell Phone Text Message Conversation. I got a text message earlier tonight from a wrong number, so I decided to fuck with 'em. Misspellings left in for dramatic effect: Incoming Text: Hey when u gonna b thdir Reply: Whir? Incoming: Wat Reply: Who r u? Incoming: Matt Reply: Matt hoo? Incoming: *NAME LEFT OUT TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT* Reply: Wana Cybar? Incoming: Yeah Reply: U liek watersports? Incoming: Yeah i wake board Reply: I ment golden showers Incoming: No Reply: R u bi-curious? Incoming: No **NOTE: At this point someone in my office pointed out to me that I had no idea who this wrong number was and that it may have been some 8 year old...frightened by visions of John Turturo, aka Jesus, I decided that I had better check.** Reply: A/S/L Incoming: What? Reply: How old r u? Incoming: 15 **conversation terminated** Just in case I end up on to catch a predator or somethin' I figured my side of the story should be out there somewhere. Still...I thought it was pretty fuckin' funny. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
2:14 pm	my livejournal my livejournal just informed me that I have "only made 3 friends" *begins crying on his keyboard* "THE INTERNET IS MAKING FUN OF ME!" actually to be specific. I didn't even make 3 friends because one of my "friends" is a community board. So that means 2. If you wanna get really technical about it, I didn't even make 2 because they were my friends before I ever got on here, in fact they're the reason that I got on here. So....SCREW YOU LIVEJOURNAL. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! morgan Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: the sound of my balls retracting (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007
12:55 pm	aaaaaand cut... as you can tell by the subject. this post will be about circumcisions. i'll let that sink in. okay now scratch that...i don't want to rant about circumcisions. I have no idea what i want to post about. I actually don't have anything in mind, which is different than my usual method of posting. Let's see. I got on myspace the other day. I'm not proud of it. I was trying to find a guy who was a good friend of mine when i lived up here last time and when i found him (searching through yahoo) he was on myspace. So i had to get a myspace acct. so that I could send him a message. He messaged me back and made a crack about how he didn't know whether to feel honored or stalked, which makes me feel kinda awkward, suddenly i wonder if maybe i didn't think we were better friends than we actually were and now he's wondering "why is this weirdo from 3yrs. ago suddenly finding me online and messaging me?" Also I found my old computer teacher from high school on there though, which was kinda cool because i wondered how he was doing. I had heard that he'd moved to nashville and was playing in bars down there or somethin'. Which is great, because he always wanted to play music for a living. It was strange seeing all of those faces and names that I hadn't seen or heard from in forever. **NOTE** THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY -- NAMELY -- ME! morgan Current Mood: a-buh? Current Music: TYPING! In stereophonic real-life audio surround sound (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 8th, 2007
1:46 pm	strange happenings things're weird right now...not bad...just weird...not really weird either i guess...just different...and structured in such a way that it makes it hard for me to explain or describe to well...anyone...mostly because i'm ashamed of myself, but i'm not ashamed really, just afraid of what people will think or somethin'. I dunno...like i said...weird. I am actually very content with where I am right now though, except for the fact that you know...i don't want to admit to anyone where i'm at. I'll post more about it when i get the courage...maybe... ...i think i may start working out not so that i can look big and strong and macho but so i can get a job doing manual labor...this must sounds insane...but i'm only about half joking. i'm finding more and more that every career option that i consider is frivolous and the only reason that i really want to do any of it is to satisfy my own egotistical desire for success, but looking forward i know that success doesn't satisfy, egos can never be satisfied, so it seems that the only logical thing for me to do is to reject my ego and do something that's so honest and pure that i couldn't possibly find fault with it. in the past i've always found the idea of working manual labor distasteful...but the reason that i did was because i felt that i was better than that. that's so grandiose and conceited that i'm embarrassed to mention it...even though i'm only admitting it to the one person who reads this journal...still...it's really disgusting to me that i would think something like that. Maybe this is just a symptom of my recovery...i only have 7 months of sobriety so i can't make a decision on this right now anyway. maybe by the time a year rolls around i'll know for sure what i want to do. still...maybe i should start working out...i don't want to be unprepared when the time comes...plus...it's not like it would hurt me to get off the couch every now and then. morgan out. Current Mood: meh? Current Music: the soundtrack of people living their lives (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 28th, 2007
5:59 pm	why must i be why must i be the perpetual devils advocate? Idaho Senator Larry Craig (Republican) has been all over the news since late last night when reports surfaced about an arrest in Minneapolis for lewd conduct in the mens bathroom. Apparently there was an undercover cop in the bathroom due to complaints that it had become a very popular meeting place for "homosexual hook-ups." Now when this news story first surfaced last night it was much bigger news than it is now. Well that's my opinion actually, turns out that it's much bigger news now but it seemed bigger last night than it does now. It was insinuated last night that the senator was caught having sex with a man in a mens bathroom. Now that everyone has the police report though, it turns out that the charge was for "soliciting" sex from an undercover officer in the bathroom. Soliciting seems to be used loosely though. He didn't say to the guy "hey i've got twenty bucks here and um...maybe it could magically appear in your pocket if you stick your tongue up my asshole." So what did he do? Well we don't have too many specifics, but the worst thing that he did appears to be touching the other mans foot with his while they were in the stalls next to each other. Now this particular senator has a history of this type of thing. He was apparently implicated in a page sex scandal back in 1982 also but I don't yet know many details about that. So I'm not saying that he's not a closet-self-hating-homo-hypocrite, but what he did in this particular case, really doesn't seem to be a big deal to me. I dunno maybe he had to reach his foot WAAAY into that stall? I don't know the specifics. Reason would dictate that what he did was pretty scandalous for the officer to arrest him, ya know, being that he's an early-60's year old white man in a suit and tie. Then again though, if the officer was there investigating lewd conduct in the bathroom, he could've been reading signs where there were none. We all know that you will find what you look for. The media seems to be using the fact that he plead guilty to the charge as a way of saying see, he's guilty. Well. He plead guilty to touching a mans foot in a stall essentially and if i were in his position I probably would have done the same. Much better to plead guilty to touching a mans foot in a stall than to take it to court and deny it dragging into the spotlight the actual underlying implication of the charge that you are a closet homo who likes to bang strangers in dirty restrooms. Now it's also alleged that he had oral sex with a man in the bathroom at union station in DC a few years ago (the man who supposedly did it with him leaked it to the press) and although the allegations were largely dismissed at the time because they were: "largely un-substatiated" the fact that it was alleged at the time and now he finds himself in the middle of another bathroom sex scandal is pretty telling. However I stand by my previous statement. Is he a self-hating-hypocrite? Absolutely. Was he trying to have sex with an undercover cop in a public bathroom? Probably. But. Were the contents of the police report grounds for him to be arrested? Not as far as I can tell. And lastly, and more importantly now. Is this a big news story? Yes. I know that seems to go counter to the spirit of this rant, but in the end, this is DEFINITELY news and it's fun and juicy news as indicated by the fact that i'm talking about it. But the news is not what he did. The news is what the evidence implies that he is. Which is gay. Being that he's an anti-gay-rights politician the implications of this are vast. Originally I wanted to laugh my head off at this guy. We all love to see hypocrites get it in the end (pun intended). But the more I've thought about it, the more I realize that this is actually a very sad story. It's a story of a man who is afraid of who he is. Who doesn't even seem to understand what he is. And who has been pushed by the society in which he lives into a deviant way of life. I'm not saying that homosexuality is deviant. But having sex in public restrooms is, and I don't think that there are many people who would deny that. Here you have a man who is so ashamed of what he is that he feels the need to hide from everyone, to only have sex with strangers who don't know him and couldn't ruin him while at the same time doing it in a way that screams "catch-me." It's such an obvious cry for help that it hurts my heart to think of it. At the end of the day, what he was trying to do was wrong. But he's not a bad person. He lives in a society that looks down on who he is in his heart and has built up an elaborate persona around himself to avoid having to deal with the public consequences of it. The best thing that this man could possibly do is to declare to the world "I am gay. And I have to learn how to be happy with myself." I'm sure that the log cabin republicans would be happy to embrace him. I don't think that he would get re-elected, his political career is over there's nothing that he can do to salvage that, until the world grows a bigger heart that is. But he can salvage what's left of his life. If he were for some crazy reason to read this blog, I would want him to know that it's okay to be who you are and I for one, would accept you much more readily as the person that you really are than I would as the person that you think that I want you to be. Rant over Morgan Current Mood: hrm Current Music: the sound of perverts flocking to my journal while searching for bathroom sex (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 13th, 2007
4:03 pm	once again this isn't so much a funny entry...there's no way that i can keep up with the pace i set in the last one...lol...but this is another thought that arose while surfing. please direct your browser to: http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/lights/7aa8/ now i have a question. assuming that the statistics at the bottom of this page are anywhere NEAR valid. why are we hyping the low energy consumption HCL lightbulb that phillips produced, which a little bit of research told me uses "up to 75% less electricity than a standard light-bulb" when these LED lightbulbs use 1/30th. Now I ain't no math whiz (or an english whiz neither), but as best i can add that up, it means that LED bulbs use up to 97.666% less energy than standard light bulbs. My math may be hellishly off on that, but i think i'm right 100/30 = 3.333 which leaves 97.666. There could be myriad answers for why these bulbs aren't being hyped over HCL's. First off they're obviously newer on the market which means that not as many people have heard of them. Also although i didn't find a manufacturer name for the LED bulb they are most likely made by a much smaller company than phillips which means that they won't get as much press automatically and they can't afford to advertise in the same way. Also I wonder what else could be causing this lapse in reason. It appears that think-geek is marketing these specifically to their target audience via their typical "buy this because it's tech and it's cool" strategy. They mention the lower energy consumption, but it seems to me that unless light source that these provide is VASTLY inferior to that of HCL's then this product is a little more sensational than what they let on. This is an enormous improvement over current alternative lighting devices, at least in energy consumption. So why is that not being played up more. Unlike most of Thinkgeeks other products, there are no "action shots" for this product (which are pictures of happy customers showing off their purchases). Is that because the lighting quality of the bulbs is insufficient for taking a picture of high enough quality to put it on the website? They mention that the output for these LED bulbs is "up to 120 lumens." According to www.lowimpactliving.com a standard 60watt light bulb has an output of 800 lumens. So apparently this new LED light-bulb technology is more than a little deficient in that respect, but at the least it could be where lighting technology is headed in the future. In fact. I guess LED's are actually the next logical step forward in lighting technology and that people in the industry are aware of this. According to a reply on messageboard www.treehugger.com one of the posters (name not found) says: "Yes LED's are just around the corner. I therefore think its tokenism to sanction a switch to an intermediate technology that at best will delay the eventual change over to LED and at worst CFL may become the stifling vested interest that delays LED's. Theres also the embodied energy sunk into a large scale CFL." For those of us who are more interested in making a positive impact on the environment than being able to signal mars with our floor lamp though, these probably aren't that bad of an option. Obviously, the cost is more than a little high for these at the moment, but they're farther along than i had originally thought. There are LED replacement bulbs for almost every kind of fixture out there and...do we really NEED 800 lumens in our bedroom? Anyway. If you're interested in learning a little more about these or where you can buy them, a few links that i found are listed below: http://www.superbrightleds.com http://www.permlight.com http://www.albeotech.com http://www.ccrane.com/lights/led-light-bulbs/led-spotlight-bulb.aspx and of course www.thinkgeek.com okay...so how was that for a funny posting. Later, Morgan Current Mood: undefined Current Music: the sound of giggling middle-school students (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
4:11 pm	seriously okay here's the more serious side to the search that I just did on Appalachian Americans.  Josh and I were discussing the fact that although (at first blush) it sounds ridiculous to call Appalachian Americans (or for that matter any white american...which is a point that is discussed in this article) oppressed.  That if you really thought about it there is a lot of oppression and denigration of our particular group.  Anyway...here's the article that I found.  Which doesn't mention minority status in Cincinnati, but does make some very good points.   http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8611/appalachian_americans_the_invisible.html check it out...okay...later Current Mood: huh? Current Music: the sound of typing (Comment on this)
3:04 pm	why? why are search engine driven advertisements so stupid...couldn't they write code for those things that was just a BIT more sophisticated...and even worse...people are falling for it or the advertisers wouldn't be paying yahoo thousands of dollars to be on their main page. here, is what brought this thought on: a friend of mine told me to search yahoo news for "appalachian american". Apparently, there should be a news story out there about how appalachian americans were granted legal status as a minority in the city of Cincinnati. Sounds fuckin' great to me. So when I search yahoo news for Appalachian American...i get a few articles about baseball *shrug* and of course...the obligatory search engine driven advertisement...but wait...these were special kinds of advertisements because in their complete moronitude (copyright 2007 morgan strickland *all rights reserved), they managed to prove that Appalachian Americans are indeed a minority and not only are we a minority but we are a heavily oppressed people. Said advertisement was: "Appalachian Americans We Have 100,000+ Music Instruments. Appalachian Americans on Sale." SEE! Appalachian Americans ON SALE! Right out in the open like that...i mean...i know you can buy anything on the internet but i didn't know that it was this easy...especially not to buy appalachian slaves to play music for you. If you wanna hear bluegrass we're happy to play it for ya. you ain't gotta force us to under a whip. Appalachain Americans are an oppressed people, we are being sold into slavery on the internet. I rest my case. Also. YAHOO SUPPORTS SLAVERY! I insist that anyone who reads this write your congressman and demand that all Yahoo servers be removed from their districts. Let 'em put their servers in China...they can peddle that shit over there where they encourage it. (as a side note i wish to mention that i have absolutely no problem with China...i think those guys catch a bum rap...but i don't wanna come off like a backtrackin' pussy so.) FUCK CHINA...FUCKIN' PSEUDO-CAPITALIST COMMIE BASTARDS! I'M NOT SELLIN' MY EGGS TO THEM SO THAT THEY CAN HARVEST AN ARMY OF BLUEGRASS PICKIN' SUPER-SLAVES TO TAKE OVER THE WESTERN WORLD WITH! okay...i have no idea where i was goin' with that...but it was kinda fun. later Current Mood: *shrugs* Current Music: the sound of livejournal pulling my acct. for racist tirades (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 6th, 2007
1:51 pm	jobs done i finished reading stranger in a strange land and man...that's one helluva good read. I not only recommend it to any and everyone but i'll go one further..i think that it should be required reading. I don't know if there are any college theology or philosophy classes out there that make it required but probably so...i guess that's good enough. at any rate...my statement stands. one damn good book. now i'm reading "the demon haunted world" by carl sagan. it's fairly interesting although each chapter tends to deal with something different so you just get general information on each subject...thought-provoking information but general information none-the-less. you don't really get into any of the meat of the theories and science discussed, and i think i'm just in one of those moods right now where i need to read something technical and enlightening, so i picked up a book at barnes and noble called "how the mind works" obviously it's not a step-by-step biological explanation of the inner-workings of the human brain since..well...no one really knows all of that yet. but there's some of that in there..a little of what is known. and also a lot of interesting things about like...the road-blocks to creating artificial intelligence and how even the human mind is tricked easily when it comes to interacting with the world outside of our own consciousness. i dunno...i haven't gotten too far into it yet but it seems interesting. also i'm considering taking the mensa exam, i'm not sure that i can pass it but if i do then at least going to a meeting from time to time will give me something to do other than AA meetings. It's not that I don't love all of the people in AA and it's not that I don't want to be there to help them and so that they can help me...but sometimes a man needs to talk to people who share at least a passing interest in the things that he enjoys. the rooms of AA while brimming with life experience and positive attitudes aren't exactly conducive to fostering mental growth...in fact they kind of discourage it.."it's your brain that got you in here boy." it kind of worries me because that disregard for the intellectual and scientific things in life is what chased me out of the church when i was a kid...i don't want that same close-mindded attitude in AA to chase me out...not only because i like AA, but also because if it weren't for AA I would be drunk and if i get chased out...then i'm likely to wind up that way again. I mean...AA is an awfully big group of people...surely somewhere in there is someone who doesn't think that everything that happens in my brain should be disregarded, mistrusted and oppressed. Anyway. also i haven't heard back from robert-half yet...i'm getting kind of nervous about it. I have a friend from AA who works for them and he said that he found me in the system and that on the interview parts (appearance, personality, etc.) that i ranked all 2's on a scale of 1 to 5 (5 being the worst) which is not bad, but that on placeability (i'm not sure that's a real word but it's the one that he used which...i guess makes it...um...a proper noun?) anyway...that on placeability i was scored as a C on a scale of A-D (D being the worst). It seems to me that all of that together adds up to the fact that they really liked me and thought that i would make a good employee but that they don't think that they can convince any employers of that fact. Also I have called a couple of times to check and see what the status was on my background check and the lady that i've been talking to just kind of has a weird tone in her voice and it sorta sounds like she doesn't really want to talk to me...maybe that's in my head though. I guess i'll just have to wait and see if I hear back from them and if not...well...i'll give it another week and then i'll go from there. I'm not aching to change jobs in general...i'm aching to change to a specific type of job. So if they offer me something like (for instance) a chance to do customer service with someone then i'm not going to take it just because of the fact that i would make more money...extra money would be a nice side-effect of me getting a new job...but it's the job itself that i'm interested in because i'm content with the one i've got as far as it goes. right...well that was a whole helluva lotta typin' so...i'm done... Current Mood: neutral Current Music: the sound of some jag-off in a straw hat yapping (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 26th, 2007
12:00 pm	a hopeful day thus far well i had an interview @ roberthalf this morning and they gave me a skills exam...as i had hoped, it was an A+ knowledge exam and a basic XP troubleshooting exam. I thought that I had done horribly, but apparently not so much. I got something like a 65% on the A+ exam...sounds like a failing grade to me. She said that it wasn't really a pass or fail exam though and that actually i scored something like 8 points higher than the average working technician/A+ certified tech does on it. I still think that I should've done much better on it and I'm not sure that this news says as much for my abilities as it does my chosen peers' lack thereof. I know it's really stupid to be concerned with what people think, but I'm really frightened that i'm going to look like one of those middle-aged guys who hardly ever used a computer in their lives and then suddenly decided to make it their profession. Those guys annoy the shit out of me...I guess I kinda look down on them...so it's more my problem than theirs but it's there none-the-less...we are all what we hate but that don't mean we gotta like it. I mean yeah granted i've been using pc's for a long time and have even supported them before, but my knowledge right now is hardly a working knowledge because i haven't really had to use computers for much more than text-editing and email for so long that I just don't have the skills that i feel necessitate the title "technician." But hell, it looks like most of the rest of the "technicians" out there don't have those skills either. Not sure that makes me feel too great though..."oh look at me, look at me, i know more than the average level I dell support rep." Jesus Christ...that's hardly somethin' to be proud of...I mean, the A+ part of it makes me feel better though, because I doubt that many (although I'm sure a few) level I helpdesk tech's have their A+ or the skills necessary to get it, so if I know more than your average A+ tech...well I guess that's better than just your average Level I Tech. Now I'm just repeating myself and rambling. Anyway. So I've decided that with a hopeful professional shift to a technical support position looming, i can take a very short hiatus from the (seriously) non-stop studying that I've been doing over the last couple months. It's been really strange because i've never really studied before...it's a new experience for me and I was disappointed in the amount of information that i retained. People who i talk to seem to be impressed at my cognitive capacity given the amount of drugs that i've taken over the years, so i had here-to-for assumed that i really didn't lose anything (intellectually speaking) in the process, but this A+ experiment has totally changed my view-point on that. I can see where I've lost a lot of my ability to retain information (short-term memory loss) and even my ability to comprehend, i was always kind of spacey on things that i wasn't interested in, but now i find myself sometimes having to re-read a sentence like 8 or 10 times just to figure out what i'm reading. Hopefully some of that will start to come back over time, at the very least it shouldn't get any worse (at least not for about 20 more years...at which point senility will start to set in and by then who cares whether or not you can remember the capital of alaska(juno) because you're trying to remember not to piss your pants...oddly that won't be an altogether new experience for me...aaaah alcohol...what great memories you and i had). oh yah...the hiatus...so my hiatus will consist of reading something that does not pertain to my attempt to getting my A+ certification...i've decided on Robert Heinlein's "Stranger in a Strange Land." I read "Starship Troopers" a few years ago, at the behest of a friend and thought it was a really great read and i've seen quite a few different places quote parts of this book. Heinlein puts a lot of political philosophy into his books and considering the time period in which they were written (mostly the 40's - 60's i think) they are pretty scientifically accurate and detailed (which is a big thing for me when i try to read sci-fi...i have difficulty suspending disbelief). So I hope that this one lives up to my expectations...which...admittedly...are quite high. If it doesn't...oh well, i'm just reading it for fun anyway...it's not like i'm going to live my life by it. well that's about it. I have to get off to my current job where i'm grinding out a little over 40hrs. this week (thank god cuz i need the overtime). ta ta for now Current Mood: nahsobah Current Music: The muffled sounds coming from some kids ipod (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
2:13 pm	my one day off... this is my only day off all week...and i choose to spend it at the franklin library online. okay that's not totally true. actually i just went and got my check cashed and made a payment on my college loan, tonight i'm going to send out a check for my car insurance (on a car that i no longer have...which seems kinda weird to me but it's not real expensive and as someone pointed out to me, if i have insurance on a car then it covers me no matter whose car i'm driving, so since technically this car is in angies name, then even if she were to let the insurance drop i would still be covered). also i just came to the library to get a phone number for robert-half technology which is an IT outsourcing company. I've been studying for my A+ test for about 2 months or so now. I didn't tell anyone because I knew that if I did then I would eventually give up studying..i'm not sure why..it's just something that I do. Anyway..i'm too shit-scared (not to mention dirt-broke) to take the test quite yet, but i put in for a job with robert-half once before and they give you an entry-exam that i wasn't anywhere near able to pass last time. so i figure if i can pass that test then that's a good sign and on top of that i'll be moving up to a better job with more pay that will make it more likely that i'll be able to save the money to take my test...and i'll be getting experience that will help me to better prepare to take the test when the time comes. Also, I'm not sure, but maybe they even have a program where they'll pay for you to take the A+ since...obviously...it's beneficial to them if you have it. So anyway, I'm about to go give them a call and set up an interview time, so wish me luck on that. Also. The concert was awesome. The blind corn pickle lickers weren't so bad. they had a chick lead singer who reminded me of mama cass (read: was fat, white and could sing well). And one of the guys said that they needed to "tune the banjo for maximum evil" before one of the songs, which may be the coolest statement ever made with the word "banjo" in it. Watching Murder by Death was surreal. It seemed strange to me that these normal everyday people were the ones who made this music. I guess mostly because i've never seen an artist that i respected that much so up close and personal, you think of those people as being larger than life and then it turns out...nope...they're real..it was my first experience with something like that so it was way strange for me. Chris Knight also played...they billed him as a "storyteller" which should have read "country artist" because he sounded like every other mediocre country artist that i have ever heard...don't get me wrong though because he told some stories and those stories (in no particular order) were "i like to drink a lot" and "i got my heart broke" and then he had about 12 different versions of said stories. I'm being a bit unfair to him as he did have one song that not only told a story but was a fuckin' good song, maybe some of his other songs would have been as good if i'd paid as much attention to them, but to be fair, I was destined to pay a lot of attention to that song becuse he introduced it by saying "this is a song about the time i killed the man who killed my brother." I mean come on...how can your ears not perk up at something like that....if i think the rest of his songs sucked it's his own fuckin' fault..cuz if he would've introduced all of his songs in such a country/macabre way, then i would've listened more to them too. Lastly were the Gourds...i was really impressed with their energy and stage presence, they were a really fun band to watch and despite not knowing any of their songs they actually managed to draw me into a few of them. The main damper on their performance for me was being unfamiliar with their work and that was followed very closely by the fact that there was a drunk old lady standing right behind me who kept yelling (read: loudly slurring) "play jean ayund jyewssss!" and "come own g-eye-sss jyust a leetle jean ayund jyewsss!" and "so muuch draaamma een tha ale buoy say!" and...well you get the point. I wanted to feel sorry for her because she was drunk and stupid and making an ass out of herself in a public place and it wasn't her fault that she was an idiot it's just how things were destined to be for her. But instead i kept fantasizing about sticking my foot out the next time she stumbled by or rocking the hay-bales while she was sitting on them so that i could watch her tumble head over heels and hopefully crack her head open and have to be hauled away in an ambulance so that the rest of us could enjoy the show in peace...i think i would've been greeted as a liberator. anyway. long story short, it was a great show and despite only getting a couple hours of sleep that morning and being flat wore out...well...pretty much ever since...it wouldn't have missed it for the world. alright...i've spent waaay too much time typing on my livejournal here...strange how i do that...i won't post anything for like a month and then i'll just rant and rave for hours. until next time morgan Current Mood: so much drama... Current Music: the sound of an mom and daugher arguing (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 4th, 2007
2:04 pm	meh i'm feeling strangely um...neutral...tranquilized you might say. I haven't been excited about anything for a while now and i haven't been sad about anything either. I would say that my emotions have leveled out somewhere just south of normal. A general malaise, but no melancholy that's how i feel. Josh and I may be going to the Master Musicians Festival in July to see the gourds and murder by death (old crowe medicine show will be there too, but I'm absolutely certain that there's no way that I'll be able to get saturday off). I think that I might be able to get that friday off to go to the first day of the festival, and that's cool because the main ones that I want to see are murder by death anyway. So I don't know for certain yet Josh but i've got enough notice in advance that I just may be able to pull it off. I'm going to ask my boss about it this week. By the by. Have tickets for this event gone on sale yet? (I can only assume that they have). Either way. If I'm able to get the okay from her then we can go ahead and purchase our tickets..um...to ride...or whatever. Okay so I am kinda excited about that. There are things here and there. I've been having drinking dreams a lot lately. They're really creepy because in the dreams I have no idea that I've been drinking or using (or even any recollection of doing so) but everything will seem to be going pretty normal when suddenly I'll realize that I'm drunk or high. I always feel like shit the day after I have one of those dreams. I mean, I know that it's not real, but I think somehow my subconcious doesn't. Usually it takes a few minutes after I wake up for me to realize that I'm not starting back at day one of sobriety. Speaking of which. This is day 120, which means 4 months of sobriety. I am almost certain that this is the longest amount of time that i've spent sober since early high school. hrm....seems like there was something else that I wanted to post here, but i can't think of what it was so I guess i'll just leave it like this. later Current Mood: meh Current Music: the sound of a spinning fan (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 19th, 2007
12:41 pm	question: If you think you might be a hypochondriac...is that a self-fulfilling prophecy? get back to me on that I've been feelin' kinda strange lately. Not exactly down in the dumps but definitely not happy. Last monday and tuesday were really great days; I got up and fixed our lawnmower, which I was really proud of myself for doing, and mowed the grass; I washed down the siding on the back of the house to get all of the mildew that had built up on it off; and I hit two meetings each day. Each day after that has been progressively worse though and it's not that anything particularly bad has happened, I just haven't felt right. I'm not bein' like "oooh i'm so depreeeessed" because I'm not really depressed, just feeling kind of...indifferent about everything. I'm trying to look at the things that I'm doing lately and soberly assess what the implications are. Still tryin' to find that connection with God...or whatever and I'm not havin' too much luck there. It's like, if I pray, then I feel like I'm talking to myself, and no matter how much I pray it doesn't change. My friends at the meeting and my sponsor tell me things like: "that's because you're trying to think your way through it and God can't be thought he has to be felt". I try to overlook their incessant habit of saying "God" and "he" because I know that they're just speaking about their "god" and it makes it easier to verbalize if you just refer to it in that way rather than saying: "My higher power who I choose to call God is a He and for this alcoholic He has to be felt because you can't intellectualize God." Still I'm proving their point daily by constantly intellectualizing God and getting nowhere, but at the same time i don't agree with their statements about God so I couldn't, in good conscience, adopt those ideals for myself. They tell me that God is in your heart, well, I don't believe in the heart (not in the way they're talking about anyway), for me the heart is just a muscle with a couple a' ventricles and valves, not sayin' that it's not important but it certainly doesn't allow you to "feel" anything all of that stuff happens in the head. So to attempt to bypass my troubles with God...hey that sounds like a good song name "troubles with god"...anyway...to try and bypass those I've resumed my search for a suitable religion which I had given up on shortly before the end of high-school and simply declared atheism (although in retrospect it was more like agnosticism but I didn't know the difference at the time) and I've picked up at the place that I avoided like the plague back then, which are eastern religions. Hinduism is way too um...what's the word i'm looking for here...mythological, but i feel a real connection with buddhism at least on an intellectual level. I read buddhist philosophy and say "yes. that's exactly right." Now that's not necessarily true for all buddhism though because when you get into the bodhisattva's and avalokitshvara the lotus born and stuff like that then it starts to get pretty mythological also. I went to a buddhist church up here and I was told there by the lady who was teaching that a Lama had once told a friend of hers that the buddhist "gods" were "as real as you or me." I like that thought process because buddhist doctrine holds that I'm only real in asmuch as I remain connected to the illusion of my own reality, which is a kind of cop-out way of saying that the gods aren't real, but at the same time, buddhism keeps to this kind of orwellian doublethink process to help to release the illusion of reality. Things like "we are not seperate and we are not the same but we are both seperate and the same", which is easily understandable if you think of it as being a mixture of seperateness and sameness, but that's not what they're talking about at all. It's not a mixture it is both contradictory and true in the most pure sense. I realize the ability to understand things like this is real and feel that I could actually understand that statement on more than an intellectual level eventually but I feel like right now I'm all by myself at here grasping in the dark at this thing. Wow. I just wrote a really really long entry. And I wasn't really planning on writing much at all. Anyway. If you actually took the time and effort to read all the way through this thing then bless you because you are a true friend, but actually i guess I'm just blowin' a lot of hot air. I guess the point is that I don't know what's going on in my life right now but I feel like somethin's gotta give. Guess I'm at an impasse again, and I just hope that I don't do anything stupid this time like i've always done in the past in these situations. Cheerio. Morgan Current Mood: wipe that smile off bitch Current Music: Air Conditioners (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
6:54 pm	quick post. I'm not real sure how things're goin' right now. I guess they're goin' um...in a curved line. They're goin' where they're supposed to go in other words, but i'm not sure why exactly they have to take this route. My mind's working a little strangely at the moment so I caught myself having to suppress to the urge to make some comments about general relativity there. I've been reading elegant universe which is basically a run-down of super-string theory, and so far the only conclusion that i've come to is that super-string theorists are pussies. *mockingly "oh at levels smaller than planck-length the universe doesn't make any sense so we'll make up a "string" and say that it's the most fundamental entity in existence and say that it's exactly planck-length so that way we don't have to worry about things that our pour little brains don't have answers for yet." * What a bunch of hooey. Anyway. I'm also trying to teach myself japanese. Hajimemashite Morgan Stricklandu desu. Dozo yoroshiku. *bows* Okay i've got a little more than that. but not that i can fit in here without just randomly spouting words. guess that's pretty much what i do anyway but still. also this whole "future" thing is really freakin' me out. I always just kinda was like: "well. I'll end up where i'm supposed to so i don't have to worry about gettin' there." Starting to realize that you're not supposed to get there unless you work on getting there. And it's like being a senior in high school again with time closing in on me. like i'm gonna have to make this decision. like okay morgan, you've been sober long enough now so whatcha gonna do...brother? anyway. right now i'm somewhere between addiction counselor and quantum information theorist so we'll see. I gotta hop offa here though because the library computer time is ticking away like the minutes of my life. later (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
3:10 pm	I know that I should. Thing's've been going strange lately. I've been really lazy. I slept in yesterday, so I didn't get to a meeting that I was supposed to go to and see my friend get his 90 day token. On top of that, I slept in again today and didn't go to church with that same friend. Also because I slept in today, I didn't get to go see my sponsor and do my 5th step, which we've been planning for like a week. My sponsor was pretty pissed about it too. I'm off tomorrow and the next day though, so we're supposed to do it tomorrow. I'm nervous as hell. There's a lot of things in this step that I've never told anyone and really expected to take to my grave. You know. The type of secrets, that human beings just assume that they're SUPPOSED to keep. I think that I'll feel a lot better when I get those things out though. I think that part of the reason that I've been so lazy is that I've been ignoring my work outside of my job. I haven't been coming home and doing the dishes, or emptying the litter box, or cleaning up the living room. And if i don't get those things done then I can't move on to other parts of the house that need to be worked on so that I can actually make progress. By not being dilligent about my work at home I'm allowing my progress to slip to a stand-still, and no one can ever be happy with life at a stand-still. I mean granted, I've been doing other things, like I started making payments on my college loans finally, and I went and put in an application for a job at a new place. But I could've done a lot more and deep down I know that, so I'm upset about not doing so. Here's an example of the type of negative thinking that I have to deal with in my fifth step. This whole VA Tech thing. I know that I should be bothered by it. Because society says that we're supposed to be bothered by it. But honestly. It doesn't bother me in the least. I'm not saying that those people deserved to die, or that the shooter is blameless. I've got two lines of thought on it though that converge into one and make me not really care. Number one is that people die all the time, and every day a LOT more than the number of people killed at VA Tech die, not only accross the world, but even just accross one state. We as a society seem to be hung up on the situations in which someone dies but I personally don't think that it matters much. When it's your time to go, it's just your time to go. It seems to me that these people died for a reason greater than their continued life could have brought about. Now to some people that may seem insensitive, but I don't think that it is at all. It's just something that I believe in. I believe that God has a plan and that he is in complete control. I do not believe that anything. No matter how bad it may look to us. Is outside of that plan. I also believe that God's plan is for the best. We may not understand how it's for the best, but we're not meant to be able to understand God. My second line of thought is that since this is a part of God's plan. Probably the reason that this happened is so that we would focus on the fact that some people have shitty lives, mixed with shitty chemicals in their brain that make them do shitty things. Once we realize that. It makes it much easier for us to start focusing on how to prevent this from happening. How to keep people from being brought up in unloving or unhealthy families, how to recognize the warning signs when someone is feeling badly and try to get them help before they snap. In my humble opinion. The great tragedy here isn't that someone shot a lot of people. The great tragedy is that we as a society refuse to notice that somethings wrong with other people until it reaches out and affects us. It's not one guy or one bad family life or one bad relationship that caused this. It's a lack of compassion that caused it. It's wasn't a lack of noticing that something was wrong, hell the roommates talked about how "strange" they thought he was. So it wasn't a lack of noticing, it was a lack of giving a shit. So think about that when you lay down to go to sleep tonight. You caused this America. Sleep well. Now I know that it seems that my own lack of compassion in regard to the victims of this crime offsets my argument and makes me a hypocrite. Well maybe I am. I'm not perfect anymore than anyone else is. But at least in this case, I'm lucky enough to see the problem. Also it's not that I don't feel bad for the families and friends whose lives have been touched by this. It just doesn't touch mine. I offer my sincere apologies to the families and friends of these victims AND to those of the shooter. If anyone can name something that I can do to help them, then you let me know. But sitting around feeling bad about their situation is not a way of helping them. It's just a self-centered way of miring in your own problems vicariously and i refuse to indulge. Okay i think that's it. I'd like to give a shout-out to my loyal fan-base and readership. Which means Josh. Hang in there brutha. If you have to go to a different school C'est La Vie. You just do what you gotta do and remember that I'm here for you if there's anything that I can do. Current Mood: hrm Current Music: The sound of other people typing (Comment on this)
Monday, April 2nd, 2007
2:25 pm	Different Things and more things. things're goin' pretty well right about now. i've been reading a bit about plants, strangely enough...josh... decided to pick up the audobon...god i hope i spelled that right...society field guide to eastern wildflowers, so i've been spending some time trying to identify the cornucopia of non-lawn-like beings living in our front yard. so far i haven't managed to positively identify any of them. but i am at least learning a few things. I know some of the characteristics to look for to tell you if a plant is a member of the mint family. so that's somethin'. also my sponsor is a golf-course superintendent so he's been sharing a bit of wisdom about these things also. it's somethin' to keep me out of trouble and relaxed so that's good. still no word on a new job. i haven't heard back from lexis-nexis and don't really expect to. although i did finally get insurance and man, i can't believe how cheap i got it. a friend from the meetings owns an agency and he for seriously hooked me up. also i got my taxes filed and hopefully i'll get to make a trip home for easter so that will be nice. I'm gonna pick up my golf clubs while i'm in cuz my sponsor says i can play on his course for free. it's a really nice course too and the greens fees are usually like 40 bucks or somethin' so that's frickin' sweet. also i went to get my tags and license changed to OH today but i can't find my title so i'm tryin' to see if dad has it or if not i'll have to go into the courthouse to request a copy of it. problem is the courthouse will most likely be closed on monday when i'm there and i don't expect to be there on tuesday and my tags have already expired, so that's kinda rough but i'm workin' through it. there are a lot more positive things than there are negative so i'm not too upset about the momentary setback in my vehicle tags. also i couldn't get my license changed today because i have to take a written exam and the testing center isn't open today. but at least they're not expired, so i won't have to do that anytime soon. let's see what else? oh yah. I just looked up a cingular store online so i'm on my way there to get my earbud fixed or replaced cuz it's all jacked up and ohio is about to become a hands-free state (driving wise. not that you can't still grope people. *morgan gropes the next person who walks by him in the library who has A cups* "thank god for small miracles". I guess that's about it. Oh yah and i hear that we offered billy donovan like 2.8mil. or somethin' fat chance he's leavin' though. I mean I would love to have him but, I just don't expect it to happen. alright i'm done cuz the spacebar on this pc is jacked up. remember those pc's in high school that you had to slap the spacebar REALLY FUCKIN HARD to get them to work. yah it's one o' those. so. i'm out. shamma-lamma-ding-dong Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: The sound of a circulating fan (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 24th, 2007
11:59 am	college hoops what the mortal fuckety-fuck is this fuckin fuck fucker? elite 8 match-ups = 1 seed vs. 2 seed, 1 seed vs. 2 seed, 1 seed vs. 2 seed, and 1 seed vs. 3 seed. is this unprecedented. someone that has more internet time than me should lookt his shit up. i mean. what the hell man? FUCK Current Mood: in a good mood despite Current Music: some jackass talking on a cell phone in the library (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 23rd, 2007
12:24 pm	my poor poor bracket well it's official. my bracket is officially destroyed. TN lost to OSU despite Oden getting a total of like 6 points and being out for half the game in foul trouble. I thought sure as shit that TN's perimeter shooting would put OSU on the bus back home but alas...I was wrong. also texas A&M lost to Memphis. it's okay Acie Law you still played a good game...even though you missed the shot when it mattered most. they also got hosed though, the officials took a full second off of the clock for a quick in and out of bounds that shouldn't have removed more than a few tenths. They may not have won even if they'd had the extra second though so...no big deal, and with TX out of the game early that pretty well puts my bracket up on the wall of shame. only teams i got left in it are KS, FL + UCLA, well pretty much the only ones anyway...i guess that's what happens when you expect half of the 1's & 2's to get put out before the elite 8 though. also tubby left. I don't have much to say about that, except good luck to him and i hope to shit that we can find a helluva coach to replace him. he definitely wasn't UK material but he was still a pretty good coach and he'll be hard to replace. it's not too easy to find a coach who IS UK material so...let's see anything else that i need to talk about? not that i can think of and i ain't got time to sit around and think about it. I gotta get my ass to work. Later ya'll. Current Mood: awake Current Music: The sound of annoying beeps (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 14th, 2007
11:56 am	One sweet smelling fly in a whole pile of shit despite the negative sounding title. this is a pretty happy posting. I've been doing really well lately, getting my shit together and trying to live like a normal earth-person. Been going to AA again for a little while (celebrating 38 days of sobriety today) and it's actually surprising that it's as much fun as it is. the first week or so, was a pain in the ass and the last time that i got sober i wasn't happy about it, but i think i am just ready to be sober this time and i see it as a blessing rather than a curse (not i HAVE to be sober but...I'm ABLE to be sober). I'm still working at La Comedia (the dinner theatre) and i really like working there but they don't pay enough and i can't get 40hrs. so I'm looking for work elsewhere. I sent out a couple of resumes today. I was going to send out more, but the library charges .50 per page to fax a local number and i didn't have enough money to send them all, at least, not if i want to be able to get to work on friday and pick up my check. Let's see what else. Oh, I've been playing FFXII and it's interesting but actually it kind of annoys the piss out of me, there are just little things about it that really suck, like for instance, there is only 1 person in the entire main party who is not a hume (and she looks like a hume that wears big cat ears so she barely counts) also the magic is kind of useless, like it was in FFXIII and i'm not sure how i feel about the battle set up, it's useful for leveling because you don't have to keep going into and out of screens, and it's useful if you don't want to fight anything at all because you can run past them but when you want to fight some things but not others it can be a big pain because you try to run away and they can still hit you for a while. as a result of these things i'm about 100hrs. into the game and i still don't think that i'm very close to finishing it. um...gee i think that's it. okay i'll talk to ya'll (and by ya'll i mean josh since you're the only one reading this most likely) later. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: the sound of a beeping security sensor (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 30th, 2006
5:13 am	so freeeeee for the moment okay so i just watched empire records again....so fuckin' sue me...i hate to admit it but i love the movie...yah so next is...i've recently become really excited about writing again...i don't want to jinx it but i think that i may be able to actually sit down and write something worth trying to sell alluva sudden. also i want to thank josh and his mom for the time that i got to spend with them during christmas, josh you're my best friend in the world and i love you more than anything and anytime that i talk to you i regain the confidence and motivation that i need to continue on in this life and, if only for a moment, gain the self-respect necessary to be the person that i've always wanted (and that you've always known i can) be. also i just found out that todd is pissed at me...i'm not surprised, i'm not going to pretend that i was a perfect roommate todd, and i've never been a perfect friend, but i want you to know (if you still care enough to read this) that i still love you like a brother and there's nothing that can ever happen that would make me feel any different. speaking of which. just in case you still read this...i hear that amos is down there now, THAT'S AWESOME. tell him i said hey and that you both need to get ahold of me. i haven't been able to get in contact with much of anyone lately because i've been so damned broke, but i just got a cell phone that has free nights and weekends so i promise to call you all and talk to you a lot more very soon. i wanted everyone who reads this to know that i love you all. you are good friends of mine and you mean a lot to me. and before you get embarassed and call me a fag (i'm looking at you todd and chuckles) i want to also say for the record that you are all very ugly and you are extremely lucky if any female ever even begins to take notice of you. also for the record because i know that this is something that my friends have grown to suspect of me; i want to point out that i am sober while writing this...yah i know who'd'a thunked it right? anyway that's as much of an update as i can manage at the moment. buh-bye. love, morgan Current Music: the sound of a beeping smoke alarm (1 Comment |Comment on this)